I don't think there is any mom who exists that has peace in her soul all the time. If there was, I would question her mental coherence. Or her authenticity. Moms are just humans who are raising little humans, trying to make the best of each day. Some days aren't so great; we get in mom ruts, wake up on the wrong side of the bed, get in arguments with our partners, etc. Usually we're tired (I think all moms with young children can agree on that). But there are things we can do to help us feel more inner peace during this time in our lives in which we're giving so much. Here are 7 great examples!
1. Seek solitude at least once a day
I think this is important for anyone, but especially moms since we usually aren't even able to complete an entire thought without being interrupted. It doesn't need to be elaborate, but taking 10 minutes for yourself every day does wonders for your mental and emotional health! It gives you a chance to breathe, think, and get in touch with yourself. Read some tips here on how to make the most of your alone time.
2. Forgive yourself
Nothing is more useless and harmful than holding grudges against yourself and constantly feeling like you've failed your children. Moms are probably the winners for carrying around the most guilt. We have society coming at us from every direction reminding us that we aren't putting our children to sleep right, feeding them the best foods, or disciplining them in the best way. We really can't do anything right in the eyes of some "professional" out there. It's no wonder moms have so much guilt!
Know that you are human; you will make mistakes, and these mistakes will teach your children what it means to be human, what to expect from other humans, and how to deal with being human themselves.
3. Spend quality time with your children every day
Some days we get so caught up in our busyness that we don't really ever sit down to just be with our children. And as bad as it sounds, sometimes it's the last thing we want to do. Why? Because we're exhausted and overstimulated. But you know that really good feeling you get when you sit and just pay full attention to your children? When you notice how amazing they are, how smart and funny, how clever and sweet. You know these things, but during these moments you really see these things. And it somehow revives you and makes your heart hurt so good! And it makes them happy too. Add it to your daily to-do list and see if it doesn't make you feel better!
4. Follow the beat of your own drum
As mentioned above, moms are constantly inundated on what kind of parenting rules they should be following. Almost all of these theories and rules make moms feel bad, no matter which one they choose. Why? Because moms have instinctual feelings inside them on how to raise their own children, added in with their and their children's personalities and temperaments. Follow your heart when it comes to decisions you make for yourself and your children. You may not make the choice that an "expert" or another mom would agree with, but you will make the best choice that you can, in that particular moment, with your particular child. Guaranteed we won't always make the best choices, but we'll find peace in not comparing ourselves to others' standards.
5. Take time out of the house for yourself
Not all moms may agree on this, but getting out of house alone can be very energizing. Dinner with girlfriends, a monthly book reading meetup, a quiet trip to the bookstore (anywhere quiet), or a walk around Target. Just as long as you're childfree and able to enjoy something you like doing without having to cater to anyone else for a couple of hours (or more or less, whatever feels right for you)!
6. Prioritize date night
I think this one might be the hardest to do, but it's also one of the most important! Your relationship with your partner is really the foundation of the entire family, and while it's so easy to put it on the back burner during early parenthood, it truly deserves front row seating if you can swing it. It doesn't need to be anything complicated, especially if you don't have access to trusted childcare, but even doing a candlelit dinner after the kids are in bed would suffice for a special date night. Having a strong, supportive relationship makes for happier parents.
7. Have a passion outside of motherhood
I personally don't think it's very healthy to completely immerse yourself into one role, such as being "mom". I think every mom needs something on the side that is her passion and that she enjoys doing. It could be crafting, reupholstering furniture, writing, reading, working out, etc. This is likely something you've enjoyed doing most of your life in some degree, or have always thought about doing. It's something that you get lost in and are excited to talk about. That's your passion, and you shouldn't neglect it because it's who you are!
These are all just examples of things you could try, but the main objective is to give more to yourself to maintain a healthy inner balance of peace and happiness. You spend the majority of your days giving all of yourself to your family, which isn't a bad thing, but remember to take care of you too, in any small way that you can!
Okay, so tell me some things that you do to help maintain a level of inner peace inside your mommy soul?
Chelsea
Ooh, I definitely agree with ALL of these! It is so important to make date night a priority. And I love being able to blog because it's "my thing" outside of being a mom. And naptime is so important for me because it gives me a chance to recharge in the middle of the day and get that solitude that I need so I can be a good mom the rest of the day. These are all so great! Thanks for sharing!
Jessica Dimas
Me too Chelsea, blogging is definitely "my thing" too! I'm actually pretty bad about the date night thing, although I've been trying to be more intentional about it! I always feel soooo much better after spending quality time with Luis.
Chelsea
Seriously, though! Since we are moving to be closer to my husband's family, we will have a lot of people who can watch the kids (for free!) for date nights now. We won't have any excuses not to go out more regularly now!
Jessica Dimas
That's awesome Chelsea, you will love that! If we move away I'm going to miss that bonus the most, no grandmas to watch our kids!
Alycia Lowe
I think for me, one thing is simply working outside the home. Being away from Palmer for 9 hours for 19 out of 28 days is enough away time. Obviously, I do other things too, girls night once in awhile, coffee dates, etc etc, but for me, its like I feel I miss out on so much already that I want to make the most of the days we do have.
I LOVE what you said about moms are humans, and we will make mistakes and that it will only help our children to become human and how to deal with being human.
Another winning post, my friend!!!
Jessica Dimas
Yes, I could totally see that with working moms!!! I definitely wrote this coming from a SAHM's perspective of needing to just get away by herself sometimes.
Thank you Alycia!! xo
Karen
Reading is a calming escape for me! Also, about once a month my girlfriends and I go out to dinner which is so nice. I love my daughter and husband but sometimes it really helps to have a night to vent about them. Need to do more date nights with my husband though! Exercising by myself helps a lot too!
Jessica Dimas
Me too, Karen! I read everyday, it's so relaxing and calming for me. I reeeeally want to start exercising cause I know it would help me feel so much better. I also need to work on the date nights too!
Amy
Yes! I love this! I think that seeking solitude for 10 minutes a day is so important... I have done this many, many times. It clears your mind and gives you a little refresher.
Having a hobby outside of motherhood is so very important. Whether it be blogging, reading, running, etc. We have to remember that motherhood does not define us. When we forget this, this is when things start heading to crazy town.
xo
Jessica Dimas
Yes!!! Every time I take 10 minutes for myself, usually at night after the kids are in bed, I feel so refreshed and calm. And I completely agree, the letting motherhood define us thing. It feels that way at first, when new motherhood consumes you, but the older my kids get the more I feel defined by so much MORE than just my role as a mother.
Jennie @ The Diary of a Real Housewife
Such wonderful tips! My passion outside of motherhood came through my blog. I remember being stuck in the house all the time wishing I "had a life outside"! I feel so much better and can mother better now that I have a hobby I love!
Jessica Dimas
Me too Jennie!! I swear blogging is like my "breakroom" where I can come talk about everything and laugh with friends, does that make me sad?! LOL!! No but really, being home all day without being able to carry on a conversation on the phone because KIDS, it can feel very isolating. Blogging is definitely my hobby too 🙂
Tiffany
Of course I love this. I think it's so important to have time to yourself AND to have your own hobbies and things you enjoy outside of motherhood.
It will be interesting when I'm home with A more, but hopefully that will give me time to focus on me a bit more as well. I'm away from her for work 3 days a week so I feel guilty when I do want to do something without her.
Jessica Dimas
I can see where that would be really hard as a working mom. You are away from your children for a big chunk of time, so when you're home you'd feel bad about getting any "you" time, plus I'm sure you miss your kids.
Iulia Gulia (Best of Baby)
Yes to all of these! Getting time to myself is so important to me, and getting out of the house too! The nowadays, I prefer to just hunker down and work on my blog 🙂 I must admit though, I'm really bad at the date night thing...as much as I love date night, I hate leaving my kids with baby sitters, especially with a nursing baby, and at home date-nights are really difficult when your youngest won't go to bed until 10:00! But I've got a sushi date-night on my horizon...
Jessica Dimas
I totally love to hunker down and work on my blog too, Starbucks had been my new getaway place with my laptop and blog planner 🙂 And yeah I totally understand about the date night baby sitter situation. We're lucky to live by grandparents and even when we did finally get to leave a boob obsessed baby, we had to be back in 2 hours to feed him lol. Two hours of heaven, though!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
Love x 7! This post was awesome my friend.
Forgiveness is a biggie. I feel without it, I drown... big time. Being the "deliberate" mom that I am, I tend to be a wee bit reflective. While this is so crucial to striving and becoming the mom I want to be, if let out of hand (and lacking forgiveness) can be the anvil around my neck. So every day when I reflect on the moments, the good and the bad, I pause to say... "You screwed up there mama but that's okay. This is what you'll do next time and tomorrow will be better." Yes, I actually tell myself this. Now you think I'm crazy. LOL
I love your point about having hobbies. That's so critical to a positive mental state. Also, having that alone time is crucial. I have scheduled alone time 3x a day. First thing in the morning, a bit after lunch and at the end of the day. It keeps me happy and balanced.
Oh and spending quality time with the kiddos - YES! I love how you pointed out those wonderful feelings that get evoked when you spend time with them. Love that.
Thanks so much for sharing. I've written an opus once again.
I hope you had a lovely day... and wishing you a wonderful week my friend.
xoxo
Tawnya
Forgiveness... this one is the one I struggle with. Like Jennifer, I'm a really reflective parent and I pick apart everything I do. I'm so obsessed with doing everything right for Scarlett that the second I spend to much time on my phone, or take time to myself I feel guilty. It's dumb but I'm working on it 🙂 We're all human and no mom is perfect, like you said. I loved this post so much! Thanks for sharing your heart always, Jessica! 🙂 XO
katy allred
I love this post, these are all such great tips!
#7 is huge for me. Ballet has been my passion for the last 5 years or so, and I stopped taking class when I was about 31 weeks pregnant. Despite still not fitting into any of my clothes, feeling generally exhausted and not myself in so many ways, taking the step of going back to class when my daughter was 10 weeks old went so far in reminding me who I was outside of my new mommy role.
Even for those mommies who can't get out of the house, there is always a way to act on a passion! Just dancing around the kitchen with my little one makes me feel more alive :]
Jessica Dimas
Awww that is so awesome Katy!! I totally agree too, finding little ways to act on our passions is so good for us! I love that you went back to your class even though you didn't fit into your clothes and were exhausted, that's inspiring <3
Mrs. AOK
I think you have it right, Mama! It took me awhile to realize some of these for myself. I'm thankful I have evolved plenty as a mother and a woman. I love being a mother, but I also love being ME.
Getting in the car and turning the volume up and singing like nobody is listening (because no one is) makes me feel so good, it's the little things, right?
XOXO
Jessica Dimas
Yes, I totally know what you mean by that! Once, when I had just had my first baby and was in total baby mode, my midwife made a comment that I was in "mommy mode" and that when my kids got to be 3-4 years old, I'd start coming out of that. I totally didn't understand what she meant but I do now. Now that I have a minute to just BREATHE and think and am not overwhelmed with a baby, I feel like I've started realizing myself and my own needs again, slowly but surely 🙂 And yes, it's totally the little things!
Tamara
3, 6 and 7 = YES!! Well all of them, of course. It's amazing how much and how often I've put marriage on the backburner because everything else is screaming in front of it. Marriage suffers from that! We took a weekend to ourselves two weeks ago and already booked another one in April. And we went on a few dates here and there. Hubba hubba!
And the quality time with kids is key. I try to have quality time with every member of my family each day. And that includes the pets, but only one of the cats. Mean, right? Well the grey one spends most of her time outside or hiding! But as for the rest of them, it's important to me!
Jessica Dimas
Daaaaang look at you guys!!! I'm jealous of those weekends, I need to do the same!! And I love how you spend time with each family member everyday, I think that's great! And no that's mean about the other cat because if she's hiding or sleeping outside, she misses her turn!
Keri
I need to be more intentional with the date night! Even just a night at home as a date- these are all so good- thanks!
Jessica Dimas
Me too Keri, me too!
Monica
I definitely agree with the "spending quality time with your children" tip. That makes me feel GREAT. <3 Life does tend to get busy and spending a little time each night reading my daughter her favorite book not only makes me feel better, it helps reduce the guilt burden for anything else I might have messed up on during the day! Also, sometimes, I forget she is a little girl with immense amount of feelings.. She's human too! For instance, tonight she could not fall asleep for the life of her. Instead of yelling this time when she came down the stairs at midnight... I decided we'd have a midnight snack together. We ate peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and I tucked her back in. She fell right asleep!
These are all great tips for maintaining inner peace when it comes to motherhood. Couldn't agree more! <3
Jessica Dimas
Oh my gosh I totally know what you mean about forgetting they're actually little humans with an immense amount of feelings. It sounds bad to say that but I guess I just get in this thought pattern that they're "just" kids and forget about their real feelings. I love that you guys had a midnight snack together!
Cindy Hasko
We are so lucky to be able to be stay at home mama's, and even then, we still get tired and have a lot on our plate. I hate when people ask me if I get bored during the day, like I just sit around all day. lol. There is just not enough time in the day. Great post! Very true! I can relate. xo
Jessica Dimas
Yes!! I WISH I could have the luxury of getting bored lol. And yes, we are so lucky, even though my boys drive me crazy on an hourly basis, I'm thankful to get to be the one who is with them all of the time.
Rebecca
It's like, I know all of these things you wrote out. Being tired, exhausted, being "done" with the day or the beginning of the day because it's all too much, is almost always the source of my worst behavior. But it feels amazing to read it in your post because you're able to transform "the knowing" (that yeah, I should probably take a time-out), into "the doing," by inspiring me to actually get the heck up, step away, and breathe. It's okay! It's all as it should be. I love these types of posts- please don't ever stop motivating me to be a better person!
Kathleen Suneja
I totally agree with all your tips ! Thanks for sharing this.
Being a mother is such a hassle sometimes, there's a lot of things we need to attend to. But having a peace of mind can turn all these hassles into joy and happiness. It's all about perceiving things as how you feel inside. If you start a grumpy mood in the morning, it will drag you all throughout the day. That's why I agree with you in sparing some time for your self and meditate.
I would love to share to you how one can change from within by attaining inner peace an become a better person. Please take time to visit my site at http://www.iamthechangeiseek.org .
Thank you !
Jessica Dimas
I'll totally check out your site, it already has my interest 🙂 It really is all about how you choose to perceive things, and so crucial, especially when navigating the choppy waters of motherhood!