One of first things to do if we want to own our life is to stop feeling and believing that we are victims. For most of my adult life, I felt like things happened to me and I was some sort of innocent bystander. In reality, I wasn't deliberate in taking charge of my own life. Here are 8 tips I've found to be true and that have helped turn my reality into one that I'm excited to wake up for!
Our perspectives, attitudes, reactions, feelings, thoughts, beliefs...these are all things that we control ourselves. This is an amazing thing because it means that you can create the life you want since you are at the wheel.
It's very easy to blame sometimes, especially since most of us have some sort of experience of being treated wrongly or unfairly as children. Adults aren't perfect, and some of them are total screw ups, but we can't forever let the mistakes of others be an excuse for us not living the life we want. Likewise, we can't let things like a failed marriage or a bad past decision have any power over our today. Every morning, you have a clean slate. No one can stop you from being the person that you want to be or living the life you desire to live, unless you grant them that power.
This is a huge task, usually one that requires a lifetime of repeating. Holding onto past hurts only holds you back from living the life you truly want. By holding a grudge, you are harboring negative energy, which will only poison you. Sometimes, the ones we hold the most grudges against are ourselves, for past mistakes and actions we deeply regret. You can't live a happy life if at some subconscious level you don't believe you deserve one. Everything we experience, even the bad, helps us grow in some way. Forgive others and yourself and instead be grateful for the lessons you've gained!
Change your attitude
Your attitude plays more importance on your quality of life than you may think. Ever notice when you have a bad attitude that your day just seems to keep getting worse? It's because you're a ball of negative energy walking around collecting MORE nearby negative energy! When you force yourself to be in a good mood (and yes, many days it requires force) and you look for the good things in your day, what happens is that you bring MORE good things to you. Don't waste another day pushing the good things away!
Decide what you want
Have you thought about what you really want in life? Not what your mom wants for you, not what you think you can accomplish only because it's easy, but what you want. If money or circumstance weren't an issue, what would your heart most long to do? Don't worry if it feels too big for you to achieve on your own; it likely is. The magic of this universe that we live in is that it meets us more than halfway when we go after a dream. When we really know what we want and believe we can have it, when we expect it to happen, we set magical forces in motion that arrange the people and circumstances in our lives necessary to achieve our dream. Check out my book for more inspiration.
Become intentional with your time. Implement a daily routine; highly successful people are known for following morning routines every day. A time that you prepare for your day first without letting the outside world bombard your mind, to write or read over your goals, exercise and eat a filling breakfast. Basically taking time for you before the day starts so you feel mentally prepared! Also, become intentional about the kind of people and information you let come into your experience. Negative people, stories, and articles that promote hate, fear or controversy only breed more negativity and drag you down.
Compete with no one
When we're running a marathon (and that's what life is, a marathon, not a race) and we don't focus on our own path because we are too busy looking around us to see where everyone else is, we start to stumble. We start wondering if we're not good enough, or why good things are happening to them and not us. Don't focus on anyone else but you. Be grateful for where you are and the things you have achieved. Every day is a fresh start to go after your own dreams and improve from your yesterday.
Check in with yourself
Keep in touch with yourself on a regular basis. Even if you don't have time for a morning routine, take a few minutes each day to benefit from some alone time. Read over your goals or intentions for the week. It's amazing what we can forget when we don't remind ourselves! I have this planner and it has places for me to write down my yearly, monthly, and weekly goals. I read over my weekly goals every day and occasionally look over my monthly goals. The coolest thing is looking back over a month and seeing all of the things you can check off your list that happened without you even realizing it!
Owning our lives can seem a bit overwhelming at first, but if you just start small and turn everything into a habit as you go along, in no time you will begin seeing the obvious and magical changes of living life with a different mindset, and there is no better time to start than now!
Jessica Dimas is the author of the book "Anything Can Be: A Reference Guide for Applying the Law of Attraction." Follow along on Facebook and Instagram to stay updated with future posts.
This is awesome! I think a lot of these are reasons that I actually am happy with my life and myself now. I used to not be happy and not be satisfied, but doing some of these (like competing with no one, deciding what I want, and changing my attitude) turned my life around! Thanks for sharing!
Me too, Chelsea!! I pretty much used to do the complete opposite of everything in this list, it's no wonder my life completely changed!
I love this! It can be so hard not to feel like you are not competing with everyone. Sometimes I even feel it as a mom and I hate it. Like whose kid is potty training faster, it's ridiculous that I do this to myself. It's up to us to change our own attitudes!
Totally know what you mean, Karen!! It's so easy to do and SO depressing lol, I have to really stay on top of myself not to let my eyes wander over to what other people are doing.
oh Jessica, we need to meet. I just love your manifesting posts like this one, seriously all of these points I love.
The one about blame, that one spoke to me most, there are some things in my life that I could allow to consume me, I could continue to blame my insecurities (and flaws) on an individual in my life but deep down I know I have the power to change... I know that sounds vague and maybe doesn't make sense.. but just know that part really spoke to me 🙂
out of your other books which one would you recommend me reading first?? I'm going to go get one today... I'm really wanting to read a new spiritual/inspirational book. Have you read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?
I love that you love these posts 🙂 Because I could talk about this subject all day and I was kind of nervous to introduce it to my blog but I'm passionate about it!! And it's okay that you were vague, I totally got your sentiment 🙂 I have NOT read that book yet and all of my friends have told me to check it out. I actually have it in my Kindle queue!!
Thank you! I feel like I need to write all of these out and paste them on the wall in front of my desk!! <3
Glad you liked the post Monica! 🙂
Iulia Gulia (Best of Baby)
I'm so guilty of the blaming thing. The littlest thing goes wrong and I immediately want to blame someone...even if it's like a product manufacturer. It makes for a rotten attitude!
Me too Iulia, it's always a work in progress to not default to these negative habits!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
Wonderful post Jessica.
I used to be big on not claiming responsibility, habouring resentment, blaming, and comparing. Sad to say but it wasn't until I was in my mid-thirties that I "grew-up" and realized how much these behaviours were negatively affecting my life.
Such fabulous pointers here Jessica.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much Jennifer! I was the SAME way and like I said, it's been 2.5 years for me with this new mindset. SUCH a different life experience now!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
Loved this post-- are you going to share it to Huffington Post? It's a motivating one!
Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop (and congrats on being the #1 feature this week).
Wishing you a lovely day.
Thank you Jennifer!! And yes I did submit it to them 🙂 And thank you so much for the feature yesterday, I had so much traffic from your blog, it made my day exciting!!
This is awesome, Jessica! I used to blame. I used to blame a lot,but now, I claim. I claim the past for everything that it is and everything that it has made me.
Amen to that, Echo!!!
Yes, yes and yes… to all of it!! Such a good list and one I need to keep reminding myself of. Especially the last one… checking in with myself. So good!! Thank you for putting so much thought into what you're sharing. 🙂
Thank you Tabitha!! 🙂
Checking-in with myself is my top struggles. I have so much going on now, but I need to remember to take care of myself. I bough a planner for the first time in years and I'm surprised at how much I do daily. It was a big wake-up call.
I hope you have a great week, Jessica! xo
I'm glad you realized how much you're doing and that it would benefit you to check in with yourself. It's hard when you're in GO GO GO mode to remember to take time for YOU.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes to all of it! Compete with no one. Sounds similar to my post last week about comparing ourselves all the time. That just makes us all unhappy. I am working on being intentional and loving it! And I'm working on doing what I want to with my life. It's a long, slow process, but I'm getting there.
Really great post my dear!
I'm so glad to hear you're working on being intentional too, it makes such a difference! And yes, the comparison thing is the worst!!
Holy cow I had a day of owning things today. It was so long coming with the cold and the misery and the frustration and the stress. I had two huge talks with people I had tension with. I also let go some negative feelings I had about an ex-friend. It was magical.
Yes, yes, YES! I couldn't help but not at each one, then think to myself. "but sometimes it is SO much easier said than done....." but realize it's so worth it to fight to make myself better!! Love this so much!
Yes!!! Definitely easier said than done, which is why I try to tell people that being happy and intentional isn't just "thinking happy thoughts" and smiling your way through life...mind control takes WORK lol. But so worth it 🙂
These are brilliant! I love them all, but I especially love the last one. That quote from "accept responsibility" is pretty awesome as well. I used to try to teach these things to my students, because each point you mention is critical to being happy. Woohoo for owning your life. 😉 So good, friend! 🙂
Thank you!!! So glad you liked the post! <3
This is my second time reading this and it really is such a great post. It's amazing to me that we're all searching for the same thing in a way. To just feel like we have a meaningful life; yet the struggle to reach that feeling of contentment is very real.
Angela @ Stepping into Motherhood
Loving this list. Bookmarking it for safe-keeping 🙂
Glad you liked it, Ann!!
This is a fantastic post. I really need to start working on being intentional. It's so hard when there are so many things swimming around in my head - between work, kids, family, blogging, etc. it can be overwhelming to find a focus.
I know what you mean! Some days go by and I realize I didn't do anything intentional, but it feels so good when I get the chance to quiet my mind!
Jennifer - it's been too long! This is a wonderful list.
Forgiveness: It's tough to give it before you're ready. You might want to, but it's not that easy. Then, when you can, you wish you could have done this way earlier.
Being intentional: A must! Every month, I review my daily routine. I look for spots that aren't getting enough attention, and switch things around to make them a priority. It evolves all the time.
Hey Eli, long time no see! Thank you, yes forgiveness is hard, the best piece of advice I read on that was that you'll likely need to forgive the same incident multiple times before you actually let it go! And I love that you review your daily routine monthly and switch things around that need more attention, etc!
Another fabulous post lady! I love your posts like this!!!
I really need to focus on the competing with no one thing. Its so hard not to get caught up in the lives of others, like on Instagram, bloggers, etc etc, and not feel like you need to be better! I have always had this idea that i needed to be "super mom" and "super wife" and "super nurse" I think I need to focus on these 8 points and remind myself that I do what I can and that is perfect enough!!! XO
I hear ya, I get caught up so easily too sometimes and it never takes me anywhere! I'm sure the "being super" syndrome afflicts every woman out there!
Amen! I love this post! And yeah, the comparing can drown us. So not worth it when we actually stop to focus on our blessings! Also, checking in with ourselves!! A big one! Especially as a mama, we gotta take care of ourselves too and do the things we love and enjoy as a woman! We have to create our own happiness and schedules that will
lift us up, not pull us down. That will motivate us and refresh us. There are going to be crazy, insane and bad hair days, but as long as we welcome God's smile to shine upon us and we allow ourselves the focus on motivating things, it helps a lot when it starts to pour. Dance in the rain, right!? 😉
Dance in the rain, I agree! 🙂 Checking in with myself is probably the biggest way I am able to unwind and feel less stressed. It helps so much!!
I love this so much. One of the most challenging parts for me is forgiveness because I'm often out of touch with how unforgiving I can be. But I try to remember that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.