I purposely spaced my boys two years apart. Sometimes I don’t know what I was thinking…actually the entire first year of my second baby’s life I asked myself that question daily…but for the most part, I’m happy to have children close in age. I’m gonna break it down for you today, the scary parts and the awesome parts!
The Scaries
1. Two babies at once. Having a two year old with a baby was like having one big baby and one tiny baby. Neither had much comprehension, if any, of my needs to tend to the other one. Neither were self-sufficient at anything; it wasn’t like I could tell my two year old to go make himself a sandwich or to hold on for whatever it was he needed in the moment so I could nurse the baby for 45 minutes. And it never failed that as soon as the baby was almost asleep, my toddler would crap his pants and start whining loudly. A lot of the first year felt like chaos.
2. Neediness. As I was saying above, both a toddler and a baby are extremely needy. There is no self-sufficiency, no understanding, no capability to do everyday things like poop in toilets and wipe their own butt, putting themselves to bed, etc. They both need you. To hold them, feed them, clean them, comfort them, take care of them. Neither have long attention spans…your toddler will only stay occupied with something for so long…and it’s rarely long enough to put the baby to sleep. Nor do they care that the other one exists or that their sibling may need you more than they need you in that moment.
3. Sleep. I know there’s lots of people who have sleepers so they won’t relate to this one. But a lot of toddlers are not sleeping through the night, no matter what you do or try. Most nights the first year it felt like a cruel game of musical chairs…one would finally go to sleep and then the other would wake up. The term sleep deprivation was an understatement for what I was, especially since my boys never napped at the same time either, so there was no “resting during the day” to recover from the previous night. Super fun times!
The Awesome
1. Baby mode. Okay I wouldn’t classify this as awesome, but one good thing about all of the sleep deprivation and constant diaper changes and breastfeeding someone constantly was that I was already in that mode, so it didn’t feel like starting over at square one because I never left square one. A lot of times in life I’ve preferred to just get the shitty out of the way; get my homework done on Friday night so I have the weekend free, clean my house before I sit down to watch tv, run errands on Mondays so I can enjoy the rest of the week, etc. It’s kinda like that.
2. First child has no memory. One awesome thing about having them close together is that the first child won’t remember (for long) being the first and only child. It quickly becomes “life as they know it” and they don’t experience much jiltedness from giving up their throne as an only child with all the attention. Yeah they don’t give a crap that the baby needs you, but they also don’t remember that the baby wasn’t always there.
3. There’s always a playmate. Oh man, if you can survive the first year, you will get to reap the benefits of seeing a super close bond develop between your kids. Not saying that the toddler won’t bitch-slap the younger one at least once a day; they will fight as much as they play…BUT they will have similar interests and be on a similar level which will mean they will enjoy each other’s company. They will run off to play and leave you in peace! Until someone gets bitch-slapped and then you have to go break it up, but it’s worth all of the free moments you gain during the day. In all reality though, my sons are like two little puppy dogs who never leave each other’s sides; they stick together at parties, they always have someone to play with, they fist-bump and hug before bed, they yell at me if I’m doing something traumatic to the other one (like cutting toenails, god forbid)…they’re truly best friends. And that alone makes up for most of the scaries!
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I have 2 kids so far, and they're 18 months apart. I was so scared when we found out we were going to be adopting again, and they would be so close in age. Our oldest was tiny and had only learned how to walk the month before we brought #2 home! But…it was actually the best thing that ever happened to us! Yeah, there are some "down sides", but when you're in the moment, like having 2 needy kids in diapers, you just DO it. It was almost not a con because I didn't know anything different because they were my first 2 – at least that's how it was for me! The best part was the last pro you mentioned. All the cons last just as long as they're babies. But being playmates and best friends? That's for life! And so worth one year of "extra" work! -Jess
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I love the non-memory of being an only child so the world doesn't end when you have to share your mom bullet point. So true! I have four sisters and I didn't stand a chance having my parent's undivided attention…and I can say it was perfectly perfect. I ALWAYS had a playmate. ANd when my playmate sucked, I went to my other one..lol
I want another baby so bad but my husband is not on board. He wants to adopt the next one (which was my idea, anyway) but I also want to HAVE one..one more time. the thought of never being pregnant again makes me sad. I want what you did! 2 years in between is my ideal. And brothers preferred please lol
Haha! Sounds like you had an awesome childhood with buddies always around! I only had one sibling and that sucked. Which is why I wanted to have more than 2 kids but I can't mentally handle anymore lol. And I think that is totally cool about the adopting!!!!! I understand your wanting to be pregnant one more time too…I even still feel that way. Pregnancy, even with it's shitty pits, is SUCH a magical time. I always get sad thinking I'll never be pregnant again!
Yes!!! The playmate aspect definitely makes up for the super rough moments (and entire first year lol). Now at 2 and 4 they're still in needy stages and whatnot, but they play so much that I get a lot more time alone throughout the day! I love it.
I'll have two under two for about six weeks, so I loved reading this! Fingers crossed we survive the first year and then hopefully things will get easier! 🙂
My girls are 22 months apart in age and I have been thinking about this exact thing recently. I agree with absolutely every word you said. As for sleep issues, my toddler was waking up 6-8 times per night when my baby was around 6 months old (and I was working full time). I couldn’t believe my toddler was causing me less sleep than my baby who had severe reflux. And I also wasn’t sure how I was surviving. Now that they are almost 2.5 and 4.5 things are suddenly seeming a little easier (except for that whole constant pushing each others buttons things). But I love watching their relationship and they are just as close as they can be; helping each other and learning from one another every day. I feel so lucky to have them close in age!
Yes!!! Oh wow yeah, we definitely could’ve been BFF’s through the time of raising a baby AND a toddler. I remember making comments to my husband that our newborn slept better than our toddler, it was sad lol. And yes, doesn’t it feel so good now that things are getting somewhat easier? I mean, compared to the straight up torture we endured for 2 years, this almost feels like freedom lol.
Oh my gosh, yes, Jessica!! I said the exact same thing to my husband! And isn’t it a little crazy that even though it was torturous at times, we absolutely loved it?! Motherhood is certainly fascinating. But I have also begun to realize recently that I am already starting to forget those sleep depriving challenges, being left with the much sweeter memories. Hopefully things I’ll hold onto forever, like today, my girls were saying to each other “I’ll love you forever.” 🙂
Hahahaha yes!!! It’s disturbing, really…it’s torturous but we love it. I think we’re masochists or something lol. And that is soooooo sweeeeeet about your girls, ugh my heart just pitter-pattered!!! Yeah the hard days are quickly fading, I’m sure we won’t remember much about the sleep deprivation stage in a few more years!
My girls are 11 months apart, it definitely wasn’t planned, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!! In all honesty if we have more children, I would do the same again!!
I agree, I would do the same too! For me, I prefer to get them all out close together and be done with it, plus now at 3 and 5 they play ALL day together. So it works out in our favor I think haha.