2014 In Review

There's a million things on my mind right now, a million different posts I want to write for this one day, and a million different angles I wish I could share. From my personal life and development to my blog's bumpy and amazing ride this year to my goals on everything. So I will try and cover a little bit of everything I want to word vomit all over here, and hope it all flows.

Personal Life

I turned 30 almost an entire year ago, but not until the last month or so of this year did I start to actually feel like I was 30. And by that I mean I feel like I have finally owned who I am, and most importantly, who I'm not. You know how you kind of act different for every person in your life? There's a piece of you that only that person knows or who you play for that person. Sometimes that gets lost for me and I forget that I'm not really that person, not even that small piece of me that I play for certain people.

I feel like I discovered a whole lotta truth this year. I really solidified my beliefs, realized how I will raise my children and what makes me truly happy. I realized I have played small for most of my life. But I'm not small. My soul is huge, and brave and adventurous and excited about all that life has to offer. I'm not afraid anymore. Life doesn't have to be anything other than how I want it.

I realized that there have been big dreams that I've shoved away because I was worried about what it would mean for other people in my life, or I worried that my dream was too awesome and therefore too risky to go after. But one thing I've learned this year is that if you want something, no matter how big it is, and it brings really strong, positive emotions inside of you when you think about it...it's meant to happen for you. And anything that is meant to happen will happen if you go for it, even if you can't come up with one conceivable way that it could possibly come about.

Credit

So this year, I'm going for it. We're all here for a reason, and it isn't to play small or live anyone else's perception of reality.

Family

Ever since I had Piggie, who is now almost four, I've had super grand visions for how I would raise him. I read books upon books, article after article...heck, I still eat up parenting articles. Parenting is like 80% of my life's focus right now. It's consuming, hard, amazing, challenging, mysterious, confusing, so exhausting and very stressful. Stressful because I want to do it "right".

If I could turn myself into a Sims character and force my Sim to do everything I deemed "right", she would be always patient, always with her children, always enjoying them, feeding them food from the farm I'd have her till behind her house on expensive plates that had no traces of whatever it is they find in plastic plates, always doing activities with them and liking it, never letting them watch tv and admiring them as they played with their non-toxic wooden toys. She would never look at her cell phone, any free moment she had she'd be cleaning up or making an amazing homemade dinner. She would get up before her children to have breakfast ready as they sauntered down the stairs in the morning. She would never nag her husband or complain about the kids, and after her kids were tucked into bed, she'd have enough energy to have sex with her husband several times a week. She would be awesome.

But you know what? If you know anything about the Sims game, you know there is a mood bar at the bottom of the screen showing your Sims needs, wants, and feelings. I'm pretty sure hers would look something like this:

And you know what else? We all do a few of those things each day. We all get it right probably about 80% of the day. Some days are amazing, other days are way worse than average, but on the whole we survive and do a pretty damn good job. And if I didn't have an image of what was supposedly "right" in my head, I probably would think I was an awesome mom. An imperfect but awesome mom.

This year, I am not going to try and be an image of what I think perfect is. I'm going to embrace the beautiful and messy moments that make up motherhood. I will continue to apologize when I lose my shit. I will continue to lose track of time just sitting and admiring them. I will continue to take breathers when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I will continue to ask Luis on a daily basis if he also thinks our boys are the most amazing things ever. I will continue to thoroughly enjoy my alone time. I will continue to take care of myself so that I can take care of my sons. I will remember that I am important too. That I am human. And that my boys need to see me mess up more than they need to see me perfect.

The Blog

I started Pig & Dac almost four years ago, shortly after the birth of Piggie. I was new to the stay-at-home mom life, I was very lonely and I felt like I was doing nothing in the world except changing diapers and holding a baby all day (which is everything in the world I later realized). Blogging has always been not only a place for me to be creative, but a place for me to connect with other women. It's like the break room for me, a place to go and have a laugh, share recent news, encourage a friend, and just be free from work for a moment. A place to just do something for me.

Honestly, no one read my blog for a long time. And then I started interacting with a few bloggers, leaving them comments and they'd visit my blog, and this would go on back and forth. And from these exchanges, a lot of those bloggers became real friends. I even met one of them, she was awesome. This past year blogging got a lot more real for me. I started getting more personal and open in my writing. I stopped commenting on other blogs just to get a comment back...I realized how much I actually enjoyed reading blogs just as much as I enjoyed blogging. Every single blog I stumble upon inspires me in some way. Or I should say the blogger behind the blog inspires me. I am a better, more inspired person because of the blogging world.

As I was going through my journal, a loose paper was tucked in the back and I pulled it out to see what it was. On there I had written in July that I wanted to be featured on The Huffington Post. I think my face hurt from smiling so big in that moment. That was a huge goal of mine and I can't even quite tell you why. What's so special about The Huffington Post, I don't really know. But I wanted to be on it and I was. It helped me to see that things I don't really think are that possible are totally possible.

Some of my goals I'm writing down for my blog this year include more purposeful writing, monetizing, and getting better at promoting my posts so that my pageviews increase.

I want to keep some of my monthly usuals around, the posts that document my life because I love to read back over those. But I do want to try and cut out a lot of the random posts and challenge myself to writing more content rich posts. Something that people can walk away from feeling inspired/entertained/informed, etc.

And I definitely want to get my monetizing on this year! I've held beliefs that I can't make money from blogging and that I'm bad at it, yadda yadda. Not anymore. I think my new motto for this year is just going to be anything is possible. Because anything is possible!

Thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever commented here. I always eagerly check each comment, filled with excitement that people actually stop by my blog. And thank you to everyone who has shared or liked my posts, I was really taken aback by the support and love I received when my post was on HuffPo. You guys made me feel so good and excited and proud...THANK YOU.

I hope you all have an awesome, magical 2015! This year will be our best one yet!

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tiffanyatouchofgrace

January 02, 2015 at 4:45 pm

tamaralikecamera

January 02, 2015 at 7:17 pm

Hnou

January 03, 2015 at 2:12 am

This is my first time here but what an amazing post. I'll be 30 soon and I relate about the playing small. I am slowly coming out of my little comfy and warm cocoon. I might not be a butterfly, I might be an ugly brown moth but you know what, I'm going to learn how to fly. Thanks for the inspiration. This is my year.

Alycia L.

January 03, 2015 at 8:52 am

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