The weirdest thing happened to me since I wrote my book. First of all, publishing, announcing, and promoting my book took a huge toll on my introverted soul. I really felt overexposed and it’s thrown me off for several months actually! Sometimes I even get like that about my blog, or after I have a piece up on Huffington or Scary Mommy…I just want to faaaade awaaaaay into the background because I just feel like…too exposed. I’m such a freak of nature, I apologize.
So currently, overexposure and maybe a burn out from writing has just had me enjoying very lazy nights of watching Grey’s and reading books instead of writing. I could never NOT write though, so I will continue to haunt the internet with my presence.
Grieving the end of babyhood
I wrote an entire (unpublished) post about the day that I ugly cried with drool all in the shower after a particularly emotionally hard day with Dacky. I didn’t post it because when I re-read it, I was like “Wow, that was effing dramatic.” But the same feelings still linger which I can basically summarize as this:
Dacky is turning 3 in three months. I have to wean Dacky before he turns 3 (I just do). Dacky is my last baby. Even though I want to wean, weaning him has a much greater emotional meaning to me because it’s the end of his babyhood, and the end of my phase in motherhood where I’m nursing a little chubby person.
Honestly I have no plan right now. Some days I even think “Shit…this is going to go past 3 because I can’t man up and wean him.” I’m probably just going to replace his nap nursing session with some kind of special drink, like juice or kefir. Or maybe read books to him instead of nursing since he loves that so much. SOMETHING that he thinks is cool enough to replace “mimis” with. May the force be with me. (I’ve already nursed him twice today, off to a great start).
Kids that don’t sleep
Can I just…for a minute…have a moment of silence for all the moms who have kids that don’t sleep for the first several years of their lives?
I don’t think one can properly understand how or why it happens until they’re in our shoes, but it’s very obvious from comments that sleep deprived moms get that “THEY would know what to do because THEIR kids sleep”. And there’s just “no excuse” for a kid past the age of a few months to be waking up all night. Much less an almost three year old; a.k.a. DACKY.
Some moms would tell me it’s the cosleeping. It’s the breastfeeding on demand. Perhaps even the extended breastfeeding. And I would secretly agree with you. If I turn the other way, the sanctimonious moms would tell me they will sleep in their own SPECIAL time, because theirs did. Theirs was a magical, emotional, beautifully peaceful transition where little Johnny just started sleeping through the night like a little cherub, and would then have his morning milkies staring into his mommy’s eyes. “No crying involved, pin a rose on my perfect nose!” – spouted from their rested, non-puffy faces. Do I sound bitter?
No matter what you do
If you have kids that sleep and you “worked so hard for it” and you’re sitting there with a smirk on your face, mentally patting yourself on the back for your awesomeness, let me just stop you in your perfect tracks. Let us ALL stop ourselves in our perfect tracks.
Some kids just won’t sleep no matter what you do. Some kids just won’t eat veggies no matter what you do. Some kids just won’t be settled anywhere other than their mother’s arms no matter what you do. Some kids just won’t listen no matter what you do. Some kids just won’t sit still EVER no matter what you do. Some kids just don’t like car rides no matter what you do.
EVERY KID has something that makes them a little bit difficult. EVERY KID has something that makes them a little bit amazing. And it has NOTHING to do with you or me.
Having a second child has shown me that I can’t take credit for the awesome qualities of my first son, and vice versa. I’ve done everything almost the exact same and they both have their own personalities, temperaments and growth rates. I can’t take credit that one is more patient than the other. That one sleeps better than the other. That one spoke earlier and clearer than the other. That one was chubbier (or that one was more lean) than the other. That one walked months sooner than the other. That one is more social than the other.
Just as quickly as we look down on someone else and smirk to ourselves with satisfaction that we did something right, we’ll find ourselves with a child that does the same and have no idea how to “fix” it.
I feel like that was ranty. I didn’t mean for it to be. I just think we’d all be a lot happier if we stopped judging ourselves and other moms. I know that’s easier said than done but truly…we’d be so much happier!