I make resolutions all year long. Sometimes quarterly, monthly, or even weekly. I believe in resolutions, which to me are the same as goals, and I love me some goals. I'm always looking for ways to improve and trying to learn the lessons along the way. I don't want to ever just give up and remain stagnant and cynical, I love to push myself, evolve and change.
Clean slates for me = BRING IT THE HELL ON!
Also, the beginning of January is my birthday, and I am now 32 years wise! I could bear hug 32, I really could. Every year that I get deeper into my 30's, the freer I feel. You truly come into your own in ways you wished you could have when you were in your 20's. Your 30's are AWESOME.
With the New Year and the new 32 year old me, I have a few resolutions for myself, personally and mommy-wise. One of these is an extension from last year. To me, having the same or a similar resolution from the previous year doesn't mean you've failed and it's all therefore pointless, I just believe that some things are very deep-rooted and it may always be something we have to continuously work on, or at least spend a few years changing.
1. Trust my children's inner guides
Like any parent, one of my worst fears in the world is losing one of my children. When they get sick or hurt, I have a tendency to freak out immediately. I always imagine the worst and then hover over them until I know they're okay. This aspect of myself may not change; I'll probably always hover when they're hurt or sick.
One thing that has felt wrong to me has been controlling my children. I know for their safety, there are some things I need to control, like buckling them safely into their car seats and making sure they don't dart out into traffic. But for example, when I tell them to stop doing something or I'm nitpicking over their actions, it always takes me out of my good mood. I don't like how I feel inside when I constantly worry that something bad is going happen to them if I'm not there to monitor them. These feelings signify to me that my own inner self doesn't agree with how I'm going about things.
I believe children all have their own inner guides, their connection with the Universe. Children are so much more easily able to tune into their bliss and follow what makes them happy. They don't have these negative beliefs yet that we have. We're the ones who ingrain into their brains that they'll get sick if they eat too much of this, or their teeth will rot if they eat too much of that, or that they'll fall if they climb up something high. And since I believe that our beliefs produce our reality, why the hell am I constantly telling my kids these things if I don't want it to become their reality?
I want to start remembering that my children have inner guides that are much more in tune with everything that is good in this universe. Rather than worry about them, I want to envision them healthy and thriving. I don't want to stop them from following their bliss. I don't want them to feel like their desires and wishes are wrong or need my approval. And I don't want to depend on their behavior as a factor for how I feel; I want to work on being in a good mood despite their actions, and I also want to start expecting the best from them, not the worst.
I'm going to stand back more often and allow them their right to freedom over their own choices. Their higher selves know better than I do what's best for them and the last thing I want to do is squash this natural-born relationship they have with their intuition. This will be a work in progress, for sure!
Child of mine, I will never do for you that which I know you can do for yourself. I will never rob you of an opportunity to show yourself your ability and talent. I will see you at all times as the capable, effective, powerful creator that you’ve come forth to be. And I will stand back as your most avid cheerleading section. But I will not do for you that which you have intended to do for yourself. Anything you need from me, ask. I’m always here to compliment or assist. I am here to encourage your growth, not to justify my experience through you. Abraham-Hicks
2. Honor how I feel
I am a homebody. I could spend the entire week inside my house, happily. I prefer a few close friends and one-on-one interactions. Being in a group drains me, makes me anxious, I don't enjoy it, etc. My husband is the opposite of me and has always made fun of me for having like, 2 friends. But, that's who I am!
This year I really want to honor my feelings. If I'm having to force myself to go somewhere, then I shouldn't be going. If I'm constantly putting myself in situations that drain me because I feel like it's what I should be doing for the sake of others, I'm not going to do it.
I feel like this year's key word for me is SIMPLICITY. Carrie Green said her mantra this year is "Keep it simple". I don't want to overcommit or over-schedule myself. Only do things that I'm 100% on board with and excited to do. The rest shouldn't be stressed over.
A friend shared Jen Hatmaker's New Year's resolution with me, which is that her answer to any decision she makes this year will be this deciding factor: "If it's not a HELL YES, then it's a no."
3. Stop procrastinating
This is a simple one that I seriously need to kick to the curb for my own good because procrastinating haunts my soul.
Things I procrastinate on that only further prove to stress me out more than if I just didn't procrastinate in the first place: making appointments, responding to emails and comments, cleaning the house, calling my grandma (why?), sending cards, anything that anyone asks me to do (if I'm asked to do something, that will guarantee slow down production), etc. It's not even like most of these things are unpleasant, so I can't explain why I procrastinate. #justdoit
4. Let go of the mainstream education mindset
Next month, if you follow along with my preschool posts, you will notice a difference in what I'm going to have planned out for our activities. I've been pretty much just trying to schedule crafts as more of a way to have something to do rather than really do any hardcore preschool stuff, but my boys aren't super into crafts. What they love to do is cut up paper into a bazillion pieces and glue them together and then paint on top of all of that.
So this next year, I want to release any anxiety that comes up that makes me feel like I need to be following some kind of guideline. The beauty of homeschooling is that I can follow their lead. We don't have to sit and do worksheets if we don't want to. We can do all of our learning outside if we wanted, or by playing Legos, or just anything that fascinates them. Anything can be turned into a learning opportunity. I really want to change my perspective of what an education is and adopt a more open-minded approach where learning is ongoing and all around us, rather than in blocks according to age.
5. Stop talking negatively to myself
I'm not going to allow myself to talk shit to me anymore! "You're such a horrible mom", "Look at all those wrinkles on your forehead", "Who are you kidding that you're going to be able to homeschool?" "Why are you always such a freak?" and on and on. Done, over it!
This is a continuation from last year's resolutions of deciding to love and accept myself for who I am. Each year, with all of it's experiences bringing more clarity and "aha" moments, I've realized just how much negative self-talk affects us, and how much we do it without even realizing it. It can even cause us disease! Almost every single problem we have in our lives can be traced back to the root of not loving and accepting ourselves, because every situation and symptom is just a reflection, mirroring back how we feel about ourselves. So I'm going to continue down this road to full self-acceptance, and really focus on not talking bad to or about myself.
Don't tolerate disrespect. Even from yourself. - Unknown
If you're so inclined, what are some of your resolutions this year? I'd love to know!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
LOL - obviously, once again, we're thinking in the same manner. I just launched a year-long parenting series - a resolution to become the best mom I know I can be. Every month there will be a challenge... something to work on. I hope you'll join us, it should be fun and helpful.
I love the things you want to work on. Your point about trusting your children's inner guides - YES. Sometimes I think perhaps my kids don't listen to me because I've spent so much time redirecting things that I should just let go of.
As for homeschooling... well, every parent comes into their parenting journey with the collective experience they had when they were raised. What were their parents like? How did their parents handle misbehaviours? Homeschooling is similar... we come into it with the knowledge from our own school experiences when we were children. It takes a bit of effort to let go of those things but I think you, and your children will be happier when you follow the style that is most comfortable to you.
Oh my goodness, I talk negatively to myself all the time. Seriously, if someone could record it, I'm certain it would sound like I'm bullying myself and fighting with myself all day long. It's wearing and it does affect how I parent. ie. - "They're not listening to you because you yelled yesterday. Way to go. You blew it and you're screwing them up." Yes, that's one of the things I'll be working on this year too.
Thanks for sharing so candidly. I really enjoyed this.
Chelsea @ Life With My Littles
These are awesome! And I totally second all of them. If you stick to these you're going to have an AWESOME 2016! Go you!
Tiffany (A Touch of Grace)
I told the hubs that if it's not a hell yes it's a no this year. We need to stop over-scheduling ourselves. I'm done with constantly being so freaking busy.
I love your resolution to stop talking shit to yourself. I do the same thing too. It's dumb. I need to be better to myself so that I can be good to my husband and kids.
Yes, amen to that. What's funny is that I felt like I immediately over-scheduled myself after writing this -_- Baby steps! And that's a great way to put it about being better to ourselves so we can be good to our husbands and kids. You certainly can't be your best when you're constantly being bullied.