I called you to come over today because I felt overwhelmed. You didn't hesitate to say yes, you'd be down as soon as your load of clothes in the wash was finished. And you came with lunch for me and the boys. Just your presence put me at ease and I could breathe again. Why does everything feel so safe when you're around?
I'm 31 and I still get that feeling to go running to you sometimes. You always know what to say to me to make everything feel better. You're the only one who hears everything I don't say and sees everything I try to hide.
I feel like I'm finally here, standing in your shoes. During the hardest of moments, I realize this is what you did for me. Some days I feel like no one hears me. No one sees me. At times, I feel like I give and give, and I'm demanded to give even more. And it goes unnoticed. My husband unintentionally makes me feel like what I do isn't as important as what he does, because I have nothing to show for it at the end of the day. The house is still messy. The sink is full again. The bathroom floor is covered with water and wet towels, and I can't even remember myself what I got done during the day.
Sometimes I feel like you're the only one who sees what I do. You're the only one who understands how much of myself I'm giving, and how much I'm loving.
During the most giving of moments, I have flashbacks of you giving to me. The grapes that I don't eat so that the boys can have them, because I know how much Dacky loves them. I remember there always being grapes for me growing up. I don't know if you liked them or not, but I assumed you didn't because you never ate them. Even now, you'll tell me to go ahead and eat the last of anything I want; you "don't need to eat it anyway". I've always believed you, until I became a mother. Now I know you're giving it to me, even if you want it, because you'd rather your child have it.
During the most sacrificing of moments, I realize how much you still sacrifice for me. All day, I listen to everyone else's stories, their exciting news and achievements. I look at Lego castles, jumps off of steps, and karate kicks in the air. I watch trees climbed and slides scaled the wrong way. I'm asked to watch and listen to what everyone else does, and after everyone is in bed, I have a sliver of time to remember me.
Sometimes I feel like I do the same thing to you. I call you and I can't get the words out fast enough; all the things I want you to hear about my life. You're the only one who listens attentively to my every word and feels excited for me like no one else does. Or at least you do a dang good job of making me feel that way. When we hang up the phone, I so often realize I never asked how you were doing.
You're my safe place. You mother me even when I don't know it. You make me feel so special, so heard, and I never appreciated it until this time in my life when I come last so often. Until I realized how it feels to be on the other side; to be the safe place for someone else.
I used to think I had stopped needing you a long time ago, that I was blazing new paths you never took. And you let me believe that. Yet all the while you've been following along on the side, right out of eyesight; always there to help me get back up when I've fallen, just like you've done since I was a little girl. Thank you doesn't even come close to expressing how I feel, but I just want you to know I see you now. I see you all day long, in my darkest hours and in my most blissful moments looking into the faces of my children. I see what you sacrificed and how much you loved. I finally see it, Mom.
Everyone is born with a guardian angel
And on her wings she’ll let you soar
Higher than you thought was possible
She’ll love you and protect you like no other
And your guardian angel has a name
You can call her mother
The sacrifices that she will make
To put you first when everything’s at stake
How all that she’s devoted
Until now you never noticed
She was showing you
How to be a guardian angel too
- Leah West, "Guardian Angel"
Jessica Dimas is the author of the book "Sacred Self-Care for the Highly Sensitive Mom." Follow along on Facebook and Instagram to stay updated with future posts.
This is so beautiful! I'm sure your mom will sob reading it! If I could put all of this in a card and give it to my mom for mother's day, I think it would be the only present she would need! Thanks for saying exactly what all moms of grown kids need to hear!
Aww thank you so much Chelsea!! My mom said she read your comment and completely agreed, she said not to get her anything for Mother's Day lol.
Gah, you made me cry!
It's true that you really appreciate your mom once you become one. You finally realize how much they love you.
Yes, exactly Ariane!! I just never could fathom how much my mom loved me until now. Now I feel bad for all the things I did that stressed her out!
So so beautiful- it really is now that I see how much my mom did- all those little unseen things. It is amazing
Yes! Me too Keri.
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
Aww, this is absolutely lovely. Isn't it amazing how our perspective shifts once we're moms as well? We never truly understand how it is for them until we start doing it ourselves.
I love how you mentioned about blazing new paths - isn't it true. We're so self-assured... certain we'll do things our way... maybe even think we're doing it the "best" way. Then we see what our parents did and perhaps ponder that they thought those same things and forged their own paths as well.
Loved this Jessica. You need to provide ample tissues to your mom before she reads this one!
Wishing you a lovely evening.
Yes, exactly. I just could never even fathom what she did for me until I did it for someone else. And oh yes, I totally thought I was doing things a new way and definitely doing them better...sometimes I cringe in embarrassment thinking about it lol. Thank you Jennifer <3 xo
This is beautiful. I have never really thought of things like this before but you make it so clear! Of course that's what my mom was doing all that time, because that's what I do for Palmer. Beautifully written, Jess!! XO
Thank you Alycia! xo
Cue the tears! It was like I wrote this myself. Every single word is so true, and so beautiful. Thank you for this!
Thank you Julie! I know, I'm sure so many of us can relate to that feeling of finally understanding our mothers more once we become mothers ourselves!
Absolutely beautiful, Jess. So much emotion behind this post, your mom must have cried reading this... 🙂 XO
Thank you Tawnya!! xo
I thought I was done crying for the night, but nah. Way to let the waterworks flow! 😉 So beautiful. All of it.
LOL you make me laugh. Thank you Kristy! xo
Okay, now that I'm sitting her crying while A says "It's okay mama," this is a beautiful post Jess. Absolutely beautiful. My mom and I aren't super close, and we fight often, even still. But I do see her more clearly now that I'm a mom, and see what she did for us as children. Even though we aren't close I appreciate her and her love for A.I bet your mom is so proud of this post, and you, girl!
Awwwww she is SO sweet!!! And I'm sorry to make you cry! My mom isn't super close with her mom either, she doesn't have anything like what me and her have, but she has said she can appreciate her after knowing the sacrifice and love a mother has for her children. Thank you Tiffany for your sweet words!
What a beautiful piece with perfect timing, everyone preparing to gift their mother's soon. The sacrifice's made are unknown until you start making those same sacrifices for your children. It is eye opening - a mother's love. Really there is no description until you experience it yourself. Amazing amazing amazing!
It really is eye opening. I never understood how much my mother sacrificed and loved me until I experienced the feelings for my own children. It's indescribable, like you say!
Great! I'm crying again! This is beautiful I think a lot of moms can relate to this once they have kids. I know I have. I totally get my mom now. Gonna go call her ...after I stop sobbing!
Haha sorry!! Yes, I think so too. Standing in someone's shoes is really the ultimate way of understanding them!
I came from your post on Huffington Post. I just want to say I find this post absolutely beautiful and your post reminds me of my mom. Unfortunately she passed away when I was only 13 and how I wish she is here now to see me as a mom. I'm tearing now but thank you.
Thank you so much and I'm so sorry about your mother. I really do believe they can still see us, I think she's smiling down on you from somewhere ❤️
Such beautiful words, totally agree the only person who listens to you, understands you and guide you like no other is your mother. Blessed to have her on my side.
Thank you Samileen ❤️❤️ Yep, a mother is always in her child's corner.
Not many articles move me to sobs but this one cut to my heart. Also as a mom in my early 30s, every single word was like my own. Something I've been thinking of more and more as my kids grow and the things I do, I realize my mom probably did the same. Thank you for putting in to words how I feel and allowing me to share this with my mom! <3
Thank you Karly! I know so many of us moms can relate to this experience and these realizations about our own mothers. Thank you for your very flattering comment! ❤️
What a wonderful message. I am sad to say I didn't have a mother like this, but I hope I haven given my daughter that kind of mother.
Thank you Chloe. My mother didn't have that kind of mother either and she did an amazing job giving me what she didn't have. It sounds like you're doing the same for your daughter <3