Holding On

This past week, I've been feeling overwhelmed by all the noise around me. Motherhood can leave you tired, stretched, frustrated, worried...always worried...the days can feel so slow, and at the same time you feel it all rushing by you so fast.

Sometimes when I look at Piggie, I feel punched in the stomach.

When did he start looking more like a three year old and less like a babyish two year old?

Please, slow down. My heart can't handle you growing up.

The days feel like a million hours long, watching the clock until Luis comes home to help out or until it's bedtime. I feel bored, lonely, and then I feel horrible for feeling bored and lonely when I know I'll miss these years one day.

At night while laying next to him, I notice his thinning, growing limbs. Halfway to childhood, but still with one foot in babyhood. Holding his little Superman action figure while nursing; the perfect paradigm. I want to press pause on life and hold him here forever.

Drown out everything that's going on around us. Take a moment to stop and remember the way he looked at me right after he was born, because it's taking me longer and longer to pull that memory from my mind.

Just be with my little boy, and cling to this time that feels as if it's slipping through my hands like water.