|My baby and I, just hours after giving birth in my bedroom|
|3 days old|
My baby turns one year old in 5 days. And I’m not taking it too well.
I don’t like change. When I was pregnant, I constantly asked my husband if he thought things were going to be horrible cause it wouldn’t just be him and I any longer. He would respond that it was going to be even better with a child, and I reluctantly accepted his answer, but still silently worried up until the day my son was born.
And then, my whole world changed. I remember looking down at my son for the very first time. He was looking right back at me and I was never the same again. Of course it’s extremely difficult to explain the love a mother has for her child unless you are a mother yourself. I never understood it or even came close to fathoming what it would feel like.
These last twelve months have been magical. Yes, they’ve been so much work…more work and sacrifice than I’ve ever experienced, but I sometimes wonder what happiness did I have before I was given this child to call my own and love. I’m so proud of simply his existence. He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m amazed that he came from me. He’s changed me for the better; everyone says that, but it’s so true. I had issues I thought I would never get over, and once he was born, I’ve never looked back. He’s my angel on earth.
I’m sad because he’s growing up. I’m not sure how this second year will go. Will I love him more and more every day like this last year has proven? Will he keep making me smile and laugh just as much? Will it hurt when he starts pulling away from me? Will I be able to protect him once he starts walking and running? Will I remember these baby days with clarity or will they start slipping from my mind? I don’t want to ever forget them, that’s why I take so many photos. I think it’s harder for Mommy to let go than it is for our babies.
But, all babies have to grow up. And it’s not a bad thing…I just need to get myself to accept that I suppose.