Doing
May started off awesome but I kind of lost my footing when we went to visit Luis' family in Mexico. At the beginning of the month, so many cool things happened like Arianna Huffington sharing one of my articles, Scary Mommy writing to ask me for a post I wrote, Huffington Post resharing a viral post of mine from a few months ago, and I got a good ways into the book I'm writing.
Second half of May so far I was in Mexico and I just turned into this complaining machine. I think it had to do with the fact that I didn't have much access to the internet in a country where no one spoke English, and I just felt bored and antsy. It was also super hot in the afternoons with no air conditioning, so that's when I got my worst.
Reading
Bella Grace Magazine - Oh my gosh, I just found the BEST magazine EVER. It actually looks and feels like a book because it's printed on thick paper. It's full of gorgeous, simple photos and it's all about finding the beauty in life and loving yourself, basically. I've never seen a magazine like it. I love all of the quotes printed on beautiful photographs; I'm gonna be pulling a lot of them out and hanging them around my house!
The Desire Map - I've been eyeing this book/workbook for months. It's amazing. I think the first few pages of it didn't super impress me, which is why I kept skipping it over, but I'm so glad I finally bought it because the further I get into the book, the better it is. I've been feeling a bit lost on what it is I actually want and why. I can't wait to get to the workbook section of this and really get it all out on paper how I want to feel, and then base my goals around that.
Dreaming
I read this book (in one day) and it has really gotten me thinking. I'm currently writing a book and have some ideas for a few more after this one, but I was really getting hung up on how long the book should be and how I should price it.
I know personally I won't usually buy a book on Kindle for more than $2.99 unless I know and love the author, so writing an average size book of 75,000 words for 2.99 was just stressing me out some; all that time and work for such seemingly little return.
After reading the book, I realized that YES: short, info-packed Kindle books are some of my favorites to read (like the book itself on short Kindle books) and I could easily write a 15,000-20,000 word count book. I personally hate that most regular sized books have so much fluff anyway, which is why I like shorter books where every paragraph is something useful. As a busy mom, I appreciate books that cut to the chase.
So...now that my horizons have shifted dramatically and the possibilities are more endless, I'm dreaming about writing multiple short Kindle books about my most favorite topics.
Feeling
As I sort of mentioned above, I've just been feeling sort of lost. Not sure what I want and if I do have an idea, not sure why I want it. I actually want several things for sure and need to reevaluate other things I'm doing so that I can make those things I want actually happen.
I feel like I get in one of these funks at least every other month, where it's like something is coming up within me that needs to be born and I need to figure out how to get out of the way so that it can happen. Each time, I need to learn something deeper about myself and about how the universe works in order to allow it to come to fruition.
I'm also feeling like I want to create more things that bring me pleasure. Sometimes I don't do things on my blog in fear that it will turn people off, but we can't create things based on what we think other people will feel about them.
Learning
To love myself.
I've always struggled with insecurities and doubts about myself. I'm never smart enough, funny enough, talented enough, pretty enough, motherly enough, patient enough, successful enough, etc. I am really mean to myself. I bully myself on a constant, daily basis.
And now I feel like I've had enough. I'm tired of thinking so low of myself and constantly feeling like I don't measure up. I push away the reality of my low self-esteem and hope that it just won't affect me, but not loving yourself affects every single thing you do! And not only that, it creates pain and illness in our bodies, something I don't want to have to face one day if I keep hating myself and holding so much resentment against myself.
I'm making a conscious effort to say nice things to myself everyday. To stand up straight rather than hunched over...I'm going to take up space here and not apologize for it. I want to be open and honest and vulnerable without putting up any false pretenses. I just want to be free and happy and loving, to everyone including myself!
So...what have you been up to currently?
Tiffany
Okay, so much to say but I'll try to keep it short. Yes, the second half of May has felt off for me too. I get in a funk every so often as well and it can be hard to get out of. I'm glad you're back from Mexico though and can work yourself back to a good place.
You're writing a book?! Holy balls! That's awesome Jessica! I cannot wait to read it, no matter the topic.
And you should 100% love yourself because you are awesome! You're an amazing writer, wife, mother, blogger and you're adorable to boot! As women we tend to get down on ourselves more than we should (fingers pointing to myself in guilt) and it's just silly. I have a good life and need to realize that I'm pretty awesome, and I hope you do too. Because I think you're awesome.
xoxo
Jessica Dimas
Yes, me too Tiffany! Seems like every few months this always happens, I guess it happens to every one!
Yeah I'm attempting my first book, totally nerve-wracking cause I get so nervous but I hope it turns out decent lol. Thank you for your support!!
And you are soooo kind, thank you for the awesome compliments. I totally agree with you, and I also think the same things of you that you just mentioned to me. Everytime I see your pics I either think a) she is an amazing mom, b) she is an amazing wife, c) she is drop dead gorgeous and I want her lips and teeth please, d) I love how collected she is on her blog or e) she lives in the most beautiful state! You rock too and I definitely hope you see it!
Lauren Kauffman
We are our worst critics, it's terrible, I'm so with you on this one. It may be the creative spirit in you:)! Excited to hear more about all you have going on!
Jessica Dimas
So, so true Lauren, we really are! Thank you, I'm excited to share 🙂 xo
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
I've been in a funk too. I can totally relate with what you're saying (as we've conversed before, I feel the same way - I am a total bully to myself).
Yay for the book writing Jessica! I've been thinking about book length too. My hubby said not to set a word count goal or anything like that... to just write and where it ends is where it ends. I think it's "easier" to sell something a bit lower on the price point scheme of things.
Loved this update. You my friend are a brilliant writer, a hard worker, a beautiful woman and mom inside and out. Stop bullying yourself and embrace your awesomeness!
xoxo
Jessica Dimas
Yes, I love that your hubby said that! After you told me that he said that, I kept seeing other writers say it everywhere as well in the books I was reading. They said not to get hung up on word count in the end and to just let the book flow naturally and end where it's going to end.
Thank you so much for your sweet comment, you always make me feel so inspired!
Chelsea @ Life With My Littles
First of all, that is such a good picture of you!
That book and that magazine sound awesome! Can you just buy them anywhere or did you get them somewhere fancy? And I definitely get out of my routine and get frustrated when we are gone for even a week, so I can only imagine how you must feel! And I am SUPER excited to see what your Kindle book is about! I am similar in that I like short books that I can read quickly. Because what mom has time to read a huge book???
Jessica Dimas
Thank you Chelsea!
I'm pretty sure you can buy them anywhere, I got them at Barnes & Noble and I know you can buy the book for half the price on Amazon! And yes, exactly, no mom has time to read a huge book! Maybe one day we'll have time again lol but not right now.
Keri
May was a crazy month. I love all of your honesty in this and seriously I sm my worst critic for sure! Working on having grace! Have a great weekend girl!
Jessica Dimas
Yes, I think we all are! Especially us women! I hope you have a less crazy month this month xoxo
Ida
I love that you have realized how hard you are on yourself. I always read your posts and have wondered about how tough you are on yourself. I would print out that second to last paragraph and frame it somewhere where you can see it everyday!
Currently, we are finishing up school and planning some short road trips with the kids. Also, I am trying to be more present in my blog. I want it to be "so me!"
Please make sure to "shout from the mountains" about the books. Can't wait to read them!
Jessica Dimas
Really?! That's kind of sad to me that someone noticed that I'm too tough on myself and normally I never see it. Kind of a wake-up call!
I love what you have planned for the summer, and I can't wait to see how you transform your blog to be more "you", that's exciting!
I will definitely shout from the mountains when my book is done, thank you for the support xoxo
Alycia
Yes yes yes, I was thinking today how much I haven't been keeping up with blogs, both mine and reading others, and how much of a giant funk I've been in for the past few months. I keep getting down on myself that in it good enough to blog, not creative enough to write good content, etc. I needed to read this!!! And I love that you know what direction you want to go with your book!! <3 you go, girlfriend!!! XO
Jessica Dimas
Oh yes, it's so tough. The commenting can get overwhelming. I've totally scaled back on my blogging, so hopefully it will be easier to respond to comments and visit my favorite blogs as well, cause that's one of the enjoyable aspects of blogging for me. We are definitely our own worst critics, I hope you remember that you are just as good and creative enough as anyone else, we can do anything we put our minds to!