For a very long time, I was an pessimistic person. I didn't think of myself as unhappy, per se, but I wouldn't have told you I was excited for life. I thought I was "realistic", but little did I know I was totally holding myself back from a life that has so much more to offer. Looking back, I can see exactly where I was going wrong. Changing these 4 negative habits have revolutionized my life, and they can for you too.
1. Seeing yourself as a victim
When we make ourself a victim, we take away our own power. When you blame someone else or circumstances for your current reality, you make your situation hopeless, because you are in essence saying you can't change it or do anything about it. And something can be done for absolutely anything imaginable. The first step is owning your life, your experience, and your reality. Every choice you make in life is yours and yours alone. Everything you experience is in direct correlation with your beliefs. Your reality is what you create for yourself. Sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow, especially if we're used to blaming the world around us for all of our misfortunes, but it's actually awesome news once you realize how much power that puts into your hands!
2. Limiting your possibilities
I used to think being well off financially just wasn't in the cards for me, and guess what...it never was for as long as I had that attitude! Nothing can come into our reality if we don't believe deep down it's a possibility. We may not be able to see how it could happen from where we're currently standing, but if we open our minds and at the very least entertain the thought of it happening, and eventually get to a state where we know that it could happen, it will come into our experience.
For as long as you believe that you don't have enough money, you don't have a good marriage, you don't have any friends, you don't have a good job...you will continue to experience that reality. Don't limit yourself! Don't be afraid of wanting something more. The only thing that's going to keep you from having it is believing you will never have it! Expand your box of possibilities and watch the miracles that start happening.
3. Not knowing what you really want
So many people spend so much time thinking thoughts of lack that they don't take the time to really think about what they do want. When you take the time to figure out what you really want, you get excited. You have something to work towards and anticipate. You stop letting life happen to you and you start creating the life you want. Life responds to us, not the other way around.
And going back to the last habit...don't limit what you want. One of the best ways to figure out what you truly want is to ask yourself: if I had all resources at my disposal, what would I be, do, and have? I like to ask myself this frequently. And writing things down that you want is a powerful first step towards attracting them into your life.
4. Not loving yourself
I think everyone struggles with this one, and it's the most profound change someone can make in their life. As the saying goes, "we're our own worst critics". How often do you hate on a certain part of your body or talk yourself down from something you would really love to have or experience? One thing that has really helped me is realizing that every negative thought is just a thought. And I can change thoughts. It doesn't have to be some intense, deep digging process that will either make me want to procrastinate dealing with or take me years to overcome. It can just be a simple and gentle changing of thoughts. When I catch myself being negative, I replace it with a loving thought. And soon, that becomes your new habit.
What are some of your hardest habits to overcome? Which ones do you feel hold you back the most from having the life you want?
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
Did you write this for me?! Seriously, did you? LOL
I'm good at limiting my possibilities and not loving myself. Really good.
I used to have a victim mentality... so odd you touched on that one because that's not something people talk about much. When I was suffering from PTSD, I really battled with that one and I had several long conversations with a friend about victim mentality. As soon as I became aware of it, I was able to conquer it. However, it also made me aware of how many people have a victim mentality! Seriously! I was stunned at how I encountered it everywhere I went.
Another fabulous post Jessica.
Thanks for sharing.
xoxo
Jessica Dimas
Hahahaha see, I anticipate YOU too Jennifer 🙂 And that makes so much sense about the PTSD thing, I never thought of it from that perspective but I can see how you could can your power back by letting go of the victim mentality, even in (and maybe even especially in) that situation. Thank you for the comment, friend!
Marta @petiteraisin.ca
Yes to all 4! Something I tried doing for a month was not complaining about mundane things and it made me way happier. Brighter side is always the better side!
.:Marta:.
Jessica Dimas
Love that idea Marta!! Brighter side is definitely always better!
Chelsea
I love this post! I agree with every single one (like I always do with your posts!). I used to be the same way, but then I realized that if I acknowledge what I want and actually work towards it, I can achieve those goals!
Jessica Dimas
Yes! Exactly Chelsea!!
Tiffany @ A Touch of Grace
Oh girl #1 is my mother to a tee! She will forever be the victim. Drives me crazy. These are seriously awesome tips. It's all about perspective and positivity and believing that you can. 🙂
Jessica Dimas
I have a LOT of people in my life who play the victim card as well. I don't even think they realize it; it's just so woven into our culture that so many people believe that's the way it is.
Alycia Lowe
#4...Yes, yes and yes! I find I am often way too hard on myself and I need to stop, because I do what I can and I know it's enough, but there is always something inside me saying "you should have done more." I really need to change my negative thoughts, as soon as I notice them, into positive ones!!
Another fabulous post, my friend! XO
Jessica Dimas
I know, I'm so with you! It's hard and I have to stay really aware and conscious! I don't know if there's a person alive who doesn't struggle with #4, and especially women.
Chelsea
THIS.....Limiting your possibilities
This is all I needed to read. This is me 110%. I just cant get out of the rut, the mindset... it's a struggle. An inner struggle. I'm trying so hard!
Jessica Dimas
I think half the battle is won when we recognize where our problem lies! I hate ruts but I do find that I come out more enlightened or inspired afterwards 🙂