It all started when I had my first baby.
I went from being a fully functional human being to barely being capable of getting a shower in every three days. I went from being my own person, being a woman, to being someone’s mom. Someone who did something for everyone else before doing anything for myself.
Not that that’s a bad thing. It was just a new way of being for me as a first time mom.
I became a stay-at-home parent. I stopped having anywhere to be or anything to be dressed up for. When I did go somewhere, like the grocery store or the grandmas’ house, I was too tired to really do much to myself besides try to make my bun look more presentable.
But worse than that, for me, was not taking care of myself like I used to on a daily basis. I’ve always been a ponytail and jeans kind of girl, but not ever doing my hair or makeup and being covered in baby spit up was bringing me down. I’d see myself in the mirror while walking past the bathroom and couldn’t believe I’d even let Luis see me like that. I felt so extremely unattractive.
One day I made a comment to my midwife that I’m a shallow person for caring about my looks. She immediately shook her head and told there was nothing wrong with taking care of myself or caring about my appearance, because I was important too.
So I started doing my makeup every morning. Some mornings it was closer to noon before I got the chance to do it, but I refused to skip that time. It was my time for myself as a woman and a person. I also started doing my hair as well. I can’t tell you how much better I felt when Luis would walk in the door after work. I felt sexy again and my mood was so much better. I wasn’t hating myself anymore.
When I had Dacky, I wore a lot of buns the first year again. It’s kind of impossible at times during the first year to do anything for yourself when you’re constantly feeding and tending to a baby. But I made my buns cuter by spending some extra time on them and using accessories to make it look more done up.
For me, spending time on myself and feeling attractive makes my entire day go better, even if no one sees me. I see me. For me, it’s an important area of myself that I can’t neglect.