Is my title long enough? I've had a little bit of a crazy week. Luis is working more hours so I'm left to fend for myself with the two kiddos. Man...they are pros at tag teaming.
They make sure to never nap at the same time. They make sure that they both desperately need me at the same time or else they will have meltdowns. Pig makes sure to poop just as soon as I've gotten Dac to doze off in my arms {and I do not have the kind of baby you can just put down without waking them}. Or as soon as I have Dac asleep, Pig dumps a huge puzzle onto my legs. It just stayed awesome the whole week!
I've been thinking a lot, about how I'm doing things that I never thought I would do before I had kids, or even when I was a first-time mom with only a baby. And I laugh. Or cringe in embarrassment. I thought I knew so much, BAhahahaha. And then Pig turned into a toddler, and another baby joined the mix, and I didn't know what I was doing anymore except trying to keep my head above water. My parenting beliefs were a lot easier when I didn't actually have kids or only had one under my belt.
Here's some examples of how my parenting beliefs have morphed over the last few years:
My Pre-Mom Self: I will never breastfeed my babies. I'm not a cow.
My FTM Self: I will breastfeed for the first two years! But not to three or beyond, that's just outside my comfort zone.
Now: Pfffff. Well we're at 2.5 years with no end in sight, so now I'm thinking anywhere between 3 years and until he goes to college. I'm going to make the mom on the Time Magazine cover look normal, cause Pig won't even need a stool to stand on when he nurses.
My Pre-Mom Self: Cosleep? Kids sleeping in my bed? Uhh..no. That's weird. I've heard they'll stay there forever.
My FTM Self: I loooove cosleeping, it's amazing! It cures all night time woes and I get so much more sleep guys!
Now: Shut the eff up FTM Jessica. Yes, there are moments of cuddling that are so sweet, but I spend most of my night sleeping on the edge of the bed and trying to make sure I don't brush against the baby, cause the second I do he'll start rooting and want to nurse again for the 100th time. It's not that amazing.
My Pre-Mom Self: My children will obey me. They won't be those whiney brats I see at stores and I most definitely won't be one those moms trying to reason with their children. All I'll have to do is look at them and they'll know to start behaving {can I just say...scary? Not sure how I planned on that working out without abuse being involved!}.
My FTM Self: I will never yell or spank. I can show you a million studies that prove how damaging this is on children! How can anyone even be that way towards their child anyway?! All I feel is extreme love when I look at my baby! Oh...and that two year old who hits and throws tantrums...I bet that's cause his mom did the CIO method on him. He doesn't have a secure attachment...tsk tsk.
Now: Hahaha.....hahahahahahahahaha...where's a corner I can go hide alone in with my head hung in shame? Uhh, so yeah...I did everything Dr. Sears instructed {love him btw} and my two year old hits and throws tantrums. And I yell much more than I want to. I have, more than once, cried into my pillow for a quick five minutes in order to recollect myself and try again. All of the "peaceful parenting" ideals I preached when Pig was a baby are a lot easier said than done.
My Pre-Mom Self: I'm not going to be the kind of parent who buys my kids a lot of toys; that just spoils them.
My FTM Self: Children don't need a lot of toys {says the mom with a baby who doesn't know the diff between a wooden spoon and an awesome toy}.
Now: Pig has somehow accumulated a massive amount of toys. Birthdays and holidays are mostly to blame, but actually Luis and I are kind of obsessed with seeing the joy that lights up Pig's face every time he gets a new toy. And of course we want him to have whatever his precious little heart desires! {guilty}.
My Pre-Mom Self: My kids will eat super healthy. They won't have a choice.
My FTM Self: Only organic foods will come near the lips of my baby!
Now: Do pizza and cookies count as organic? No but really, I try my best to make sure Pig has a healthy diet, but I don't stress myself out anymore. I'm just happy that he drinks water all day, loves his fruit and vegetables, and gets breast milk twice a day.
My Pre-Mom Self: Pretty sure it's okay to let a baby cry. That's what they do, right? They have to learn that you're not going to come for them every time.
My FTM Self: NEVERRRRRR will Piggie have to cry for me! I will always be there at the first peep. He doesn't even have to cry because I'm so in tune with him, we never even get to that point!
Now: Poor Dac. Poooor little Dacky. He cries several times a day. It's not that I want to make him cry or that I don't care, it's just that I can't get to him at the moment. I'm usually changing Pig's diaper or trying to give Pig some sliver of undivided attention so I can preempt a meltdown tantrum {and for the love, please don't tell me I should babywear, I've tried and Dac hates it, not to mention I seriously messed up my pelvic floor carrying Pig around 24/7 when he was a baby}. I always tell Dac how sorry I am when I pick him up and give him lots of kisses, but sometimes I can't pick him up at the first peep he makes. #secondchildproblems
My Pre-Mom Self: We won't even own a TV, and if we do, I won't let my kids watch it. Parents are too lazy these days.
My FTM Self: Sometimes I let Pig watch an educational baby show once a day. No more than that though.
Now: THANK GOD FOR TV! Kudos to all the moms who don't use TV as a babysitter, but I will say that it has saved me so many times, especially since I've had a second baby. When I want to keep Pig occupied so the baby can nap, I either turn on Batman or give him the tablet so he can do some puzzle apps. Hopefully when Dac is a little bit older, him and Pig will become playmates and keep each other entertained.
My Pre-Mom Self: I had no idea about parenting theories.
My FTM Self: Attachment parenting all the way. It's the only way. It's the right way. I feel it in my bonios {that's my made-up Spanish word for bones}.
Now: If a mom loves her child and is continuously trying to improve her mothering, that's all that matters. Set the bar high so you at least try to aim for it, but no parenting theory is 100% perfect. Your child will not be damaged if you don't do X, Y, and Z, nor will they be perfect if you do X, Y, and Z.
Alls I know is: I quietly stepped down from my soapbox to eat my past words in private. I like it down here, not on a soapbox, just raising Piggie and Dacky the best way I can in the moment. No more judging other moms. No more judging other kids. Kids will be kids and moms will try their best in whichever way feels right to them.
It's a much happier place to be.
What are some things you thought you'd never do, that you find yourself doing now? What lessons have you learned along the way in motherhood?
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